Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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