I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
