I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
