I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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