I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
