I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
