yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
