It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
