just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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