so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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