wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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