I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
