I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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