first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
