i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
