Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
