I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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