it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
