I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
