I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
