They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
