She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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