We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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