Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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