i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
