Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
