yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
