How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
