Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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