You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize