apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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