Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
