I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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