I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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