also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
