I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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