Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
