you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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