LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
