We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
