Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
