for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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