So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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