I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
