Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
