When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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