Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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