I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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