Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
