Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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