and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
