my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
