a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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