Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
