He kissed a someone with a penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
