Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
