it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
