How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
