You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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