Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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