Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
