Kiss
Puke
high people should be assigned attendants
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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