I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
