As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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