I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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