I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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