doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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