She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
