I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
