Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
