finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
