well most of my day revolves around power hour
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
