It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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