i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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