But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
