Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
