Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
